10 things that will help you raise healthy children even if the relationship has failed

I am a single mother, well sort of. I have a soon-to-be 16 year old son. I am very proud of him and I have to admit that I did not do it alone. His father has always been in the picture. Early on his father and I decided that we were not going to be able to have a successful relationship. It got ugly. Their was lots of fighting, arguing and attitude. One day, I was sitting with my son, I looked into his big brown eyes and decided that he needed and deserved what I had never had; two parents that loved him in spite of their issues. How did we achieve this, I will tell you how.

1. Never and I mean never talk about the other parent in front of your child. Your child is equal parts each of you and any negative comments will permeate his/her spirit.


2. Understand that the relationship being over has nothing to do with your child. Grow up! You made this bed. You lie in it. Your child should not have to suffer because of this relationship mistake.


3. Your child deserves two parents that love him/her. Stop saying mess like, we don't need you. You ain't sh*t and any other expletives. "We". This is not about you once again. Your child needs the other parent


4. Child support is not a weapon. Women, this is for the care of the child, not your trips and finger nails. Men, clothing is not support when lights, gas, food, soap and a list that could take up 10 pages is required.


5. Never use words like my child. It makes people seem included when you use terms like ours.


6. Never undermine the other parent. My son knows that in order to be able to do something, he has to get two yes's. One no and it is a no and that is that.


7. The rules in each parents home may be different. Get over it! If your child is not being mentally and physically abused mind your business. Just one of those things you should have thought of when you laid down to make children.


8. We are living in a new time when many people are single parents. It is important to change with the times. I believe that it is important to be inclusive for holidays, birthdays, activities and school events. We go as a family because whether you like it or not we are. With that said. Let the sexual relationship be over. Children do not need to live with your mixed signals.


9. Learn how to choose your battles. Everything is not a fight. I know as parents we want to protect our children but the fighting only makes whatever the problem was even worse. If a parent has stood up your child, no need to fight. Your child knows what happened. Make no excuses for the other parent. Let the absent parent ruin the relationship all on his/her own.


10. Pride. Get rid of it. It is a cancer in any relationship. The needs of the children always come before your own. That does not mean putting up with mess that you have no business putting up with. Remember, in your heart you know if you can make improvements and trust letting go of the bitterness will also make for a healthier and happier parent and parenting experience.

10 Don'ts to Help Navigate a New Relationship

Speaking from personal experience, I will tell you that I have hurt and been
hurt and am glad to say that now I have come full circle. Life is not easy
but if we follow our hearts and remember who we are as individuals we can bring
our best selves to a new relationship. Many times we come heavy in pain
and covered with a bruised heart. We live in a world that promotes
selfishness and yet each one of us whether we admit it to ourselves or not, seeks
love. Love takes strength. You have to believe that whatever happens you
will bounce back. Sometimes you will get hurt but the walls built around
fear have never stopped people from coming into your life. They have only
stopped the right people from coming into your world. Be bold, be
beautiful, be you and be loved but don't:

1. Don't impose demands on somebody you just met.
2. Don't stalk him/her on cell phone or at work.
3. Don't get mad if you make plans or plans change. ie. over time , sick
4. Don't have sex unless your ready for whatever may happen good or bad.
5. Don't introduce to family members ie. children unless both parties agree that we are in a committed relationship.
6. Don't be what you think he/she wants you to be. Be yourself, be real, it is better to not be liked for who you are than to be liked for who you are not. Also, it is easier to be yourself. When the relationship is over you don't have to go on a quest to find the old you, it will be right there. If you cannot be your authentic self in a relationship then you are not ready to be in any relatioship.
7. Don't assume that what a person says is who they are. Let time and their actions reinforce a persons character. First impressions are only representatives of who a person is.
8. Don't do things for your mate that you are not committed to continuing forever. (Ie. put on sexy lingerie two years later you have on a flannel pjs and an ugly head tie)
9. Don't assume your partner knows what you want. Relationships are not common sense. We all want and need different things. Discuss relationship expectations without scaring eachother off.
10. Don't bring baggage from past relationships. Ie. cheating, he never called so now I think when you don't call your cheating. Give each person a new set of trust and love.

• *DO NOT NAG* This can drive a person to drink. State what you want and move on. If you don't get it, trust that you have received your answer and make a decision to stay and deal with it or leave.